The Year I Tried To Kill My Love

by Wings Of An Angel

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"Sometimes, one is required to be a warrior for so long, that you have trouble putting down your sword".
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The year Love almost died inside me,
it was a year fraught with trial and tribulation,
elations of successes waylaid by new responsibilities;
and these new responsibilities,
they almost took the joy away.

The year Love almost died inside me,
it almost died in all it's forms;
Love for my fellow brother,
my fellow sister,
relations both amorous and familial,
as all the joys that were supposed to be inside me were almost detained.

The pain inside me almost surmounted all my senses,
as I lost touch with the capacity to feel Love in it's greatest fulfillment;
I touched the face of the divine in dreams,
but alas,
this was barely enough to keep my sense of Love sane.

I learnt,
however,
that the pain,
it had a purpose,
had served to purify me of past regrets,
had served to teach me to move forward,
ever onward,
to greater horizons,
and the very scope of those horizons,
they are redefined now,
and though I know that journey will be difficult,
I would rather undertake THAT journey,
to experience the pain of growth,
rather than regret,
and the capacity to love,
it grows inside myself,
especially the capacity to love myself,
and I know,
that in this year,
or any year from this point on,
I could not kill The Love inside myself,
in order to hide from pain;
I could not kill The Love inside myself,
not even if I tried...
--
Copyright © 2014 Robby Baby Dark Poet of Amour aka Robert Matejko
You can find Robby at:
robbybabydarkpoet.wix.com/poetry
www.facebook.com/robbybabys.poetrypage
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"I remember you mentioning this LP in a StillStream chat with Darth Buddha, at Grove Of Whispers. I will be listening in especial earnestness for sure, contemplating the titles. Earnest honesty on both our parts, huh? My earnestly introspective poem and your honesty of musical autobiography."

"One of the first impressions I got was from the titles of the songs, how they reflected having trouble expressing emotion. It tied well into my past year, with my own plights on the emotional/mental plane "Tin men cry out of spite" is a good example of a title that speaks to me of a disconnect with mentality and emotion, the heart and mind at battle."
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"The Angel Tried To Kill My Love

Every now and then I find an artist that shatters my preconceptions, and makes me want to break as many rules as I can find to break. Wings of An Angel is one of those artists, and The Year I Tried To Kill My Love is the cause of such passion.

So, what kind of preconceptions does this release break? The single biggest one is that a drone artist has a detachment, or a very different perception of music from other artists. This is a release that proves exactly the opposite. Instead of a cold, atonal series of tones arranged into some form of pattern this recording starts with a lush and rich tonal cluster reminiscent of Debussy style chromaticism with abstracted impressionist elements.

This is a recording that is rife with the concepts of isolation, loneliness, and introspection. It is born of the kind of situation in which one finds his or herself completely isolated to the point where they are cut-off from their own emotions. Wings of An Angel (aka Felix Kaplan) explains it this way:

"…it’s a love-tale of a person to himself, the unsung hymn of the solitary extreme individualist / nonconformist, who goes his own way, often giving up on socially accepted practices such as relationships".

This work starts off with ‘Tin Men Cry Out Of Spite’, a title which evokes the image of the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz, whose main desire is to have a heart, to be able to feel emotions that he’s never been able to feel. By crying in spite, it’s the image of a person who is trying to defy the lack of emotions he or she has.

In ‘Solitude Spreads Within The Heart’s Corridors Like Cancerous Cells’ we are taken to the place where the isolation starts. Despite being in a crowded city, surround by thousands of other people, the inability to form a relationship turns these people into an infection, and eventually into a malignancy.

‘Detachment From Your Soft Skin Would Be The Source Of My Ills’ is possibly the most direct title on this release. It’s about the lack of contact, physical contact between people. Neither the kind of contact of two people brushing up against each other in a crowded subway car, nor the deep passionate connection of lovers is implied here. It could be any level of physical contact: the handshakes, hugs, hand-holding. With all these types of contact lost it can make a person start to feel sick on a level.

There is, however, a moment of clarity. A point at which the struggle against the loneliness and isolation comes to a head. And that is clearly in the composition ‘I Know That I’ve Promised You To Never Allow Myself To Love, But I Must Fail’. But this isn’t just the external love of or for someone else, it is the internal love. It is the mounting of the effects of isolation on within, as much as the external isolation.

And the glimmer of hope comes at the end. Not in the form of a connection with someone else, or the connection within, but in the mystery recesses of one own mind, in the form of a memory: ‘The Same Year I Tried To Kill My Love, You Were Ever Present Within My Dreams’. It’s another level of the mystery of our inner-selves. How does the mind work? How do dreams occur? How do we know and understand the things that are in our dreams? For Wings Of An Angel that was something he could grasp, even if only metaphorically.

This may be one of the deepest, and most affecting releases I’ve encountered all year. It is not a surprise to me that it took four years for Felix to release it. There is a deep, close and personal connection to these pieces that is breathtaking and all-encompassing. The mastery of tonal control is astounding, seriously worthy of comparison to other impressionist composers. But, those are just the tools that are used, the paintbrush used to stroke the paint onto the canvas. The resulting images are astounding, they engulf the body mind and soul of the listener. They are affecting and transformational, and that is the measure of any artist: are they leaving something behind that will affect you, the listener. In this case, listening to The Year I Tried To Kill My Love is to face our own inner isolation, to understand how our emotions are expressed, to understand who we are."
(cerebralrift.org/2014/09/26/the-angel-tried-to-kill-my-love/)
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Chosen As "15 Releases for the End of 2014" @ cerebralrift.org/2014/12/31/15-releases-for-the-end-of-2014/

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released August 1, 2014

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Wings Of An Angel Israel

Ambient magician and outsider poet-philosopher whose works blend these passions in fascinating ways. My life's work is to humbly give wings to my infinite psychedelic imagination. This ever-expanding alternative universe explores intimate mental landscapes, existential commentary and unorthodox humor wrapped in a holy trinity of Avant-garde sound art, thought-provoking titles & original covers. ... more

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