Jaduhara Indradhusara (verumhaeresis.bandcamp.com
The set of lyrics included herein this LP are amalgam and post-product of my enduring struggles to hang on to a faith I was raised on, an extremist, evangelistic, fundamentalist Christian worldview. One which exalts the Christian faith and Christianity above all others. A missionary faith espousing that salvation is only possible for the poor, ignorant people of the world turn from their wicked ways and espouse a very narrow and specific formula of salvation. Otherwise I had to convince myself that though God is supposed to be an embodiment of love, that he will not hesitate to damn those who reject this narrow view to hell for all eternity. Too bad. So sad. The weird thing is not only did this condemn the Pagan hordes, unbelievers, unchurched, and athiests/agnostics but the Jews who Christians inherited the Old Testament which is basically all the more important texts of the Hebrew bible. It also included Muslims (no surprise there) and any other theists who did not align with the appropriate formula of salvation... So,that included most other Christian denominations. Especially the largest, the Catholic Church.... Oh the magic formula you may ask? Well, if you want a false sense of both security and superiority espousing love while dating the majority of the worlds people past, present, and future to a gruesome eternity in a pit of flames... Here it is, first you must be a consenting person of reason, so a teenager or older. Then praying, ask the Jesus into your heart and get dunked completely under the water in front of the like-minded extremist congregation. All the while believing that at that moment like Jesus and John the Baptist at the Jordan river you would receive an indwelling of the 3rd person of the Christian concept of God, the Holy Spirit. This spirit you are promised will strengthen you, teach you, and eliminate all doubts you may have.
The song "flame" was written with paraphrased quotes from the Biblical book of Lamentations chapter 1, Song of Songs chapter 8, and Hosea chapter 14. The running theme in this song and in these particular Bible references is the emphasis as God being the husband and the church or Israel being the bride.
So on the surface this song is a love song that has a subtle and profound subtext. if you read between the lines and put the pieces together what you see is a God who is unwilling to reach out to his bride when she has stumbled that he is not hesitant to refer to her as a whore. He implies that they have been intimate since she was a child. So the creep factor is present. Notice the bride never speaks and the only time she's called upon to speak is when the petulant madgod demands that before he welcomes her back that she must come to him and beg forgiveness. This husband demonstrates blatant misogyny and control that reveal him to be a sadist.
So what I've done here is use the very words directly from the Bible to demonstrate that the God of the Bible who the Jewish nation and the Christian denominations and the Muslim world all derive their faith is not the loving, merciful, kind, powerful entity that the 'people of the book" - to borrow a phrase from the Koran - imagine him to be.
I speak as a former Christian fanatic... However throughout my teenage and young adult life I recognize how I was desperately uncomfortable with the lies I shaped my life around. However, like the bride in 'flame' I never spoke out and instead that part of me had been so suppressed it was like a wounded and weak animal. I had a very real looming existential fear for my life if I even contemplated an escape from faith of my fathers. I had been told as a young child that leaving the church was a one-way ticket to hell. So I lived in fear, and it was a living hell in which I had turned to alcohol and other drugs to numb me and render me helpless to fight or think for myself.
I went through a phase called recovery from addiction. During that period a wise elder broke through my fragile eggshell worldview. My life lay in ruin. I had spent 3 months in intensive care after a ruptured ulcer led to sepsis and near death. I was homeless temporarily. I was divorced, a looming custody battle, and was struggling to stay sober with hands clenched, white-knuckling it.
Seeing me in such a sad state a wise man after a recovery meeting asks, "so, how is your relationship with your 'god' working for you?"
I shook my head and had no answer for him...
He continued, "Seems your life has gone to shit..
Seems like your 'god" may not be on your side.
Perhaps you should fire him!"
Like a nailgun put to a bloated balloon my ego popped and years of denial unraveled, it truly was like waking from a lucid dream. Suddenly, I was empowered to think for myself... Wow! What a concept!
This was a moment of gnosis, an awakening, when truth bursts through all the barriers and forces your sleeping mind to wake and those closed eyes to open wide!
After this experience of having the top of my head removed and having the big, 'AH HAH!' moment. I took the elders advice. I filled a page with positive things, and then I realized, that I was basically asking for a crutch...
I had another realization that I am responsible! Nothing and no one OUT THERE is coming to rescue me. Instead, I needed to look within. So, I went to the people who I thought probably would be able to teach me how to do that. Ya know, meditate, quiet the mind, I visited several Buddhist sanghas before settling and sitting through a six month course in basic meditation at a Chinese Chan Monastery.
It was during this period of inner work that I wrote and recorded these songs which have been following me for years, since 2004. Over the last year or so I have become acquainted with the great absurdist Wings of An Angel AKA Unearthly Demagogue. He has become a welcome friend in this time in my life as I am struggling with a number of losses due to illness. After a conversation one evening, I asked if he'd listen to my songs and tell me what he thought....the next thing I know he has remixed and turned my works into a collaboration in which they have a new potency and relevance.
The song "Ugly as sin" is written in the tradition of southern dark folk death songs. The story is about a man who left his home & family in search of wealth and riches - all these things which he dreamed were promised to him. While searching he ends alone trapped in a snowstorm and near death. He recognizes that all along his true wealth and riches were back at home with his wife and family. Yet know as death approaches he recognizes he will never return.
This song two has an underlying message about searching for riches or salvation outside yourself leads to oblivion. And further that the riches that we were truly desire were with us all along and are inside of us.
The songs "blind man" and "harsh reality" are similar in that they give voice to my inner struggle during that time of struggle. I had a profound realization that I had been wearing blinders and ignoring the harsh realities of the world. Instead of rejecting the harsh realities of the world - the pain, the difficulties, and suffering - instead we need to embrace these things as treasures for they are every bit as important in our lives as the things that we think of as riches.
Today I have trained myself to have an open mind and to learn tolerance. I have trained myself to recognize that most fanatical believers are compelled and indoctrinated within any system of belief to do or say things that do not reflect reality. That is why they either reject facts that may be irreconcilably harmful to our species and to the earth, our environment.. Mother Earth is where we live and the inheritance we pass on to our children's children. My artwork is reflective of my objective interests such as Tarot lore and the Cthulu Mythos, and my subjective experience in the imaginable world of symbols, icons, and archetypes. The product of what Jung called "active imagination". But I have grown to recognize to nearly infinite potential of,our imagination to ignite change in the real world. In fact, I think that that is the greatest gift we have as sapient species. However, this very same imagination that had provided so many good things, can just as well dream up the most wicked and horrific ideas which are then replicated in the world. Perhaps the greatest evidence of this is the Nazi propaganda which was carefully cultivated to manipulate the German people into swallowing wholesale the bitter poison pill. This laid a foundation for the regime to act in the most horrific manner, not simply declaring war, but declaring that it was their duty to cleanse the world of the blight of Judaism, in particular and also other deviants such as LGBT persons, and undesirables such as the roaming gypsies.
So in my art is attempt to engage people on a visceral level with the horrors and the wonders of our imagination. I urge people to take responsibility for their inner mind as well as their outer. For us to survive as a species, I am convinced we must evolve to a place where we can recognize that, as the cliched song goes, WE ARE THE WORLD. We are all we got, we are responsible to leave an inheritance for our future progeny that gives them a clean environment, a world without war, without need, without imaginary boundaries or imaginary dictums from imaginary gods to wage war upon others for just being different. Well, surprise! All of us are different... Embrace this beautiful abundance of difference and you will find delight and great joy.
And yet all of us (though outwardly different) beneath the skin are uniquely the same in many ways. We are more alike than different.. We are not Us/Them. These are false dichotomies which must be fought not only on the plane of the real world through honest debate but in the imaginal world of universal symbols and archetypes. Teaching our children what it means to THINK CRITICALLY. This is our gift to our future world. So I fight existential threats, having adopted this phrase out of context, but certainly reasonable. We have both global and local existential threats that range from bullying and racism to looming threat of stockpiles of nuclear weapons getting in the hands of extremist groups who would threaten to plunge the world into a mutually assured nuclear holocaust.
In closing, I want to thank Wings of an Angel for helping me to revive my opening salvos on the imaginal plane where I wage war against ignorance, fear, hatred, and other means of close-mindedness that lead to segregation and breed more fear, terror, and violence.
Wings of an Angel:
This LP is an obscure marvel borne out of the deepest yearnings of the flesh; when one sits alone in the dark, it's silence all around, and he looks back at some of the darkest hours of his soul. The pathway to genuine spiritual insights begins this way, archetypically yet at the
same time painfully singular for each traveler. The title herein – Curators Of Corruption – is everything but suggestive of "true corruption"; vice versa, it reflects a still moment of weakness from the past of two brave people who were trapped – for a breath or a bit longer – in their selfhood corruption, unable to break loose because of the unique circumstances at that particular moment. Yet, many years after, we girded up our loins and decided to go back in time and extract the necessary lessons learned, and subsequently synthesize the results within the framework of a conceptual album.
Personally, I can speak out and say that as much as time is elusive and has a distinctive quality of an ethereal illusion or even a transient hallucination – it is necessary to learn how to play with it, catch it, hold it, hug it but also throw it away unto the void; allowing it to return to the infinity it has sprung from. I often look back to what had been the pillars of my existence and reflect back on how important each event has been in the course of my life. We are unique beings that exist NOT in the present (as some eastern doctrines try to promote) but always within the interplay of a three dimensional space – past, present and future – never fully immersing in any one of them. People who give up on their past are giving up on an essential part of themselves; ditto regarding those who live solely in the past or look solely towards the future. Integration, in my perception, is the keyword for a healthy attitude towards life…
To the uninitiated, I would perhaps describe this LP as an overwhelming emotional experience as it literally transcribes the pain of the forsaken soul at midnight – via howling Americana-esque harmonica, outsider folk-esque vocal lines with sincere confessional lyricism, densely reverberated spaces and one longform post-classical ambient composition that highlights the emotive motifs of the main themes above. This needn't be a shuttering experience but a staggering one - speaking of the way how genuine creative adventures help one to raise above the muck and mire he or she had been through in the past.
Infinite thank yous go to mastermind and master artist Jaduhara Indradhusara for sharing this raw gem of an album with me and allowing me to execute my magic on it. In my eyes, this incredible album is an epitome of raw healing creativity.
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"Curators of Corruption.... A very provocative title! The art that I see thus far is quite striking, as well. Thus far, it looks like it very much speaks to me, a frustration with a formulaic faith that condemns most everyone but a small sliver within it. It flabbergasts me to no end when I see a sign that says "God hates ...."... That's the antithesis of what God is supposed to be! It shows a profound lack of understanding of their own deity, and an utter lack of humanity, aside."
"That was one powerful testimonial by Jaduhara Indradhusara!"
"You know how I feel! Your art is a mirror to the soul, of course that can be said about many works of art. However, you have a special talent in capturing the naked soul in all its glory and it most perverse darkness. Sometimes an alternate viewing/listening of the same work will reveal something completely different. Though not a monist I do have a preference for the view that dichotomies are a cop out. It's easy to label that which is different and even perhaps dangerous as Evil and the same goes for things we cherish, we only see the goodness and refuse to see the lurking potential for darkness. However, as your art reflects the bare soul we see both the good and bad, the beauty and the beast, the violence and the reconciled. Of course it has taken me awhile to absorb even a 10th of your massive output, your life's work. It is an honor to have you among us and for showing us in all our glory, uncensored. And I am happy to have found a fellow traveler on this narrow path of life to call a friend. BRAVO!"